This is an apple in all of its infinite possibilities. This apple contains the energy of the earth and the cosmos. It is perfect just as it is. Before language, before communication, and before the human mind it was not an apple, it just was. It was one thing that existed perfectly amongst all the others things of the earth. Its energy was boundless as it was born, died, and reborn in the cycle of life and death.

And then the human mind was developed and “it” became another thing on top of what “it” was previously. It was touched, eaten, referenced, named, liked, disliked, and so on. It was eventually given a name, apple, and from there on was known as the thing called apple which once was a thing, or nothing, or no-thing. It was nothing, or no-thing, in that it was not yet determined to be anything before the human mind experienced it as a thing outside outside of itself. It just was, it just existed. Through sight and feel we gave it shape, through taste we gave it flavor, through language we gave it a name, and through our thoughts and opinions we determined if we liked it or we did not, and through further opinions we determined we liked one apple over another. The once no-thing existing in a world of boundless energy and infinite possibilities now became a thing to which we have narrowed down the field of possibilities to way we can describe it with our thoughts and senses.

From here we take our apple and determine different apples to grow, different apples to choose from, different ways to eat it, different way to discard of it. Our thoughts on these various things create ideas and opinions about the state of the apple. We prefer one apple over another thus discarding the value of one and raising the value of another. And our field of possibilities for this apple again get smaller. When the best apple is chosen we then determine how we want to eat it, which part of the apple we prefer to eat and which part we prefer not, which part of the apple tastes the best, and which part we avoid due to our preference on the value of how it tastes. And again the field of possibilities of this apple have gotten smaller.

The moment we first experienced the thing was the moment it no longer lived in the realm of infinite possibility. Through our thoughts and senses the perfect being that existed just as it always had became an object to which we cast our opinions on. And through these opinions the possible choices for the thing were narrowed down to a very small field of possibility.

And this is how we live our lives. We are born into the realm of infinite possibility. From the moment we are conceived we contain the boundless energy of the earth and cosmos. We are born and we develop our senses, our thoughts, our sounds, and our language. Imagine standing tall with your arms spread as wide as they can with your palms facing each other. As we grow through life we pick up the wrong item and are told “NO!” and our field of possibility grows a bit smaller. Our arms, which represent the field of possibility, move a little closer to each other.  We walk too far from our parents and are reprimanded and our field of possibility grows smaller. The hands get closer together. We get bad grades in school and get grounded. Our field of possibility grows smaller, the hands come closer together. We go through our lives being told no, developing our opinions on the way life is and the way life isn’t, and so on and our field of possibility narrows so far now that the hands form a small circle. This small, narrow circle is the tunnel vision through which we view our lives. Our field of vision and possibility are no longer wide and infinite but now life is viewed through the narrow tunnel of our past. We “learn lessons” about mistakes, we live “realistic” lives, and play characters, all while masking our cynicism and resignations about life, and put our past into our futures thus leaving no possible outcome of the future except to play out the tired stories of our past’s and live inauthentic lives.

I have this reoccurring thought in my head recently that simply goes “Your opinions are killing you.” Every time I create an opinion about a thing, prefer one thing over another, talk negatively about some one inside my head, I limit the field of possibility that thing holds. Through those non-stop thoughts in my head I live out my life from the voice that happens. And that voice isn’t real nor does it ever stop. But we live life like it is, like that voice is the be all, end all. Like that voice matters, like that opinion matters, like that thought is the most valued thought trumping any other thought produced by another being. But it’s not! The thoughts will never stop, they are always talking, the voices are always talking and that’s ok. But to be present to the state of them and to see them for what they are and what they are not brings true presence and empowerment.

Sometimes I give advice, sometimes I create opinions on things and others, and most of the time I think I’m right. But I have found a space there, a very small space that allows me to allow things to be just as they are. Sometimes that space is so small it happens for a fraction of a second, sometimes the thoughts and voices slow down just enough to see an apple and appreciate it for the being that it is. And whoosh! it is gone. But those moments happen more and more frequently and are the result of a lot of meditating and sitting silently and observing the breath. It’s as if that space was a crack in the open door where there wasn’t a crack nor even a door before. That space how ever so small slower grows larger as I slow down and allow things and others to exist just as they are and just as they are not. The crack in the door opens slowly and I have to be able to step through it.

From one of my favorite new blogs Man vs Debt:

I told myself I couldn’t afford to quit.

On the outside, everything looked normal. I was engaged in my work, did it dutifully, and casually chatted with co-workers in the hallways.

But on the inside, things weren’t right at all. My muscles tensed as soon as I walked in the office. I felt drained before I’d even sat down at my desk.

When my request for a transfer to another division was denied, I became depressed. I’d cry into my husband’s chest at night, saying “I can’t keep doing this.”

It took two miscarriages in the space of 12 months before I got serious about calculating the cost of change.

What’s your unhappiness costing you?

My normal coping strategy for stress is to eat.

But when my job stress became a daily shadow, food wasn’t just an escape, it was my lifeline. It not only got me out of the office, but the pleasure that came with a cup of tea or a toasted bagel smeared with cream cheese was a boost I felt I needed and deserved.

But it’s amazing how quickly these “pick-me-ups” can add up. Take a look at my eating expenses:

Bagel and tea at local cafe: $4
Mid-morning snack: $1
Lunch (out): $10
Mid-afternoon snack: $1
That doesn’t seem like a lot of money, does it?

But when you multiply it by the number of days worked (roughly 250 days a year), you get $4,000. Of course, you need to subtract the amount you’d pay for eating breakfast at home and packing lunches and snacks. Assuming you can do that for roughly $5/day, the cost of my stress was $2,750 a year.

That’s a fair chunk of change.

But it’s just the tip of the cupcake.

When I took a closer look at where my money was going, it became clear that a lot of my expenses were pick-me-ups in disguise. Most of them were small: clothes, a box of pretty notecards, a nice dinner out, some apps for my phone, new songs, another dinner out.

You see where I’m going with this? I spent about $2,000 a month on these kinds of expenses, hoping they could fill a hole inside me. (Spoiler alert: They can’t.)

What holds many back is the fear that doing what they love will involve a pay cut, and emotionally, they just can’t deal with it.

Notice I said “emotionally.” The inability to take a pay cut often isn’t logical or based on facts.

I’m not saying you should live in complete austerity. But when you add up all the “necessities” that come with an uncomfortable career, it’s easy to get a wacky sense of your salary requirements without even realizing it.

Simply by pursuing work that didn’t require all those pick-me-ups, I discovered I could easily save more than $20K a year. Your number may be more or less than that amount, but most of the clients I work with find they can save much more than they originally suspected.

Exercise 1: Study your bank and credit card statements over several months. Ask yourself, “Did I buy this because I needed it or because I felt I deserved it in exchange for the trials of my job?” Compute your annual unhappiness cost.

What’s your happiness worth?

It cracks me up.

The diamond industry has convinced people that unless you spend the equivalent of one month’s salary on your beloved’s engagement ring, you’re somehow selling the relationship short. And because the ring represents status as much as it does bliss, people go to great lengths to spend as much as possible on that small piece of jewelry.

Don’t even get me started on the cost of the wedding itself.

Assuming someone spends 45 hours a week working and commuting, that means 40% or more of their waking hours are spent at work. Apart from their education, most never invest another dime in creating a career they love.

It’s not that they’re not willing.

Imagine yourself in a unique auction, one that offered the winner work that energized you instead of draining you, that inspired you to fully express your potential. You’d be proud to tell others what you did. You’d feel like you were making a positive impact in a way that mattered to you.

And imagine this work came with a 100% happiness guarantee for one year.

How much would you be willing to pay?

This isn’t a theoretical exercise. See in your mind’s eye the bidding, the flurry of hands, the rising tension in the room. Are you going to let this opportunity slip away?

Exercise 2: Jot down a figure you’d be willing to pay if you knew, for certain, you could buy a job that was deeply fulfilling for at least one year.

Budgeting for (and believing in) a better life

Believe it or not, the easy part is the budgeting.

First, combine the estimated yearly cost of your despair (your answer from Exercise 1) with the amount you’d be willing to pay for one year’s worth of a fulfilling career (your answer from Exercise 2). Subtract that sum from your current income.

This number now represents your minimum annual salary.

A couple of things to keep in mind:

Until you know what career or job would actually provide that sense of fulfillment, this number is generally meaningless, other than to reassure you that you need to earn less than you think. Many of us can, in fact, afford a pay cut.
Remember, you don’t have to keep your minimum annual salary forever. Presumably you’ll progress faster and make more doing something you’re fully engaged in and passionate about.
You may not be able to afford this minimum salary today. You may have student loans, credit card debts, or an underwater mortgage that require your immediate financial attention.

But don’t use your finances as an excuse for staying in a soul-crushing career forever.

The biggest hurdle between you and your dream job isn’t your bank account.

It’s that you’ve stopped believing in yourself.

When you give the cynic inside you the microphone, everything’s impossible. You gloss over your successes and focus on your failures. You tell yourself they call it work for a reason, then convince yourself your dreams are out of reach.

The voice in your head convinces you that you deserve a donut or a new pair of shoes, but not meaningful work. That’s for someone else. Someone better.

The Dalai Lama said:

It is very wrong for people to feel deeply sad when they lose some money, yet when they waste the precious moments of their lives, they do not have the slightest feeling of repentance.

That’s not a call to be reckless. Absolutely take the time to make your budget. Design a plan to get you there.

But whatever you do, don’t tell yourself it’s OK to waste one more minute of your precious life.

*****

You deserve more than just a paycheck. You deserve a better life.

Now go get it.

Here.